faith and failure.

When I was in middle school, there was one event that scared me more than any other event to that date. I was sitting in my middle school science class and the teacher was giving us a list of our grades for the semester and informing us how we could calculate our grade. I followed the directions and the number that came out indicated I was failing the class. A cold sweat broke out and tunnel vision started to set in- I felt as if I was going into shock as I walked up to the teachers desk to ask how this could be. It turns out, I missed a grade and was actually doing quite well, but the experience highlighted something about me. I was deathly afraid of failing.

Now I didn't grow up in a family that was militant about grades. My parents were very good at instilling a love for learning and a give it your best effort type of approach to learning. But one thing that I have put on myself over my life has been a bit of a perfectionist quality, or at least a "don't screw it up" mentality. I think this has kept me from doing a lot. I was thinking about it the other night as I pondered what God has for my life. I have been really blessed with all God has provided for me to this point, and I would say that I have taken a fair share of risks in those endeavors. But I started to question whether I would put everything on the line if there was a possibility of failure.

Growing up in the middle class and now as an adult seeing the importance of being wise with our money, saving for retirement, or other forms of good stewardship of our finances is important. Our culture (at times) promotes these type of biblical principals. But then, I look at the examples of Jesus and the apostles in the New Testament and I start to wonder. Jesus told his disciples to take nothing with them when he sent them out, take up their crosses (death-the risk of everything) and to not worry about tomorrow. If Jesus sends me some place am I willing to take that approach? But it goes more than just financial. Am I like Jonah in not wanting to take the risk of doing something because I think I might fail? Paul writes a quote from Jesus saying, "My grace is sufficient for you... my power is made perfect in weakness." In essence, we never really experience all God has to offer us until we do risk everything.

If I fail, while our culture may view this as a deficiency on my part, God operates on the opposite. If I fail, even when he calls me to it, He gains. The paradox of the Gospel does not go unnoticed. I cannot have true faith, unless I am willing to truly fail. Maybe we need to start living this way in our churches and in our lives.

short cuts and crashes.

Part of my routine for the past few months has been attempting to bike commute to work a couple times a week. If you have never experienced bike commuting, I highly recommend it. It's a great way to get a work out, transport yourself, and slow down life a little bit. On top of that you save money and the environment. Pretty much a win win all around.

So the other day I decided to try to find a route that was not quite as hilly. In order to do that I figured I might be able to stay along the river for longer and that would save some time. During this experiment I found a great old canal trail to do some "off road" biking. I always liked getting off the roads into the inconsistant paths of nature and bringing some adventure to my commute. I got into work alright, not really saving any time, but I had some fun in doing it. I figured I would give it a try for the way home later that day.

It's a windy day and I'm thinking to myself that this will be even better, getting off road to stay out of the wind. I'm pushing myself pretty good going over leaves, gravel, small sticks, and whatever else nature will throw my way. I get through the first half of the ride home and come to a point where I decide to try to follow the river even longer. This portion of the trail goes between railroad and what's called "single track" which pretty much means "skinny with lots of branches." I'm doing well to this point so I take this harder route. Back in my prime, this is what I would have really enjoyed (and I did this time too) but I come to a section where its a very steep down hill with a sharp right hand turn at the bottom. I start down it and start making the turn a little too early projecting myself over the front of my bike landing on my back with the bike on top of me. Impressive.

My life tends to be like this. Instead of enjoying the moment and the time I have in it, I will usually look for the quickest way to the next "stopping point." I was doing this so much with my bike commuting that I actually removed my watch because I would time myself every trip to see if I could beat my time. When I do anything with the point of making a short cut to just save time, I typically crash, from either flipping over the front or just burning out.

It was a fun ride home, though it did take me 7 minutes longer than normal. Instead of finding an easier way, I found that it was only easier in theory. What else am I trying to find a short cut for?

the (community) cost of unemployment

In a world impacted by a deep recession, we all realize that unemployment hurts those who have lost jobs. People lose their source of income, they play into the credit game to make ends meet, and next thing they know they are facing the very real face of poverty in their own lives. Those of us who have been blessed enough to “weather” the recession relatively unscathed are overlooking a hidden reality though. The unemployment of others in our community is costly to us who are neighbors to the unemployed as well.

When an individual becomes unemployed they often receive social benefits designed to temporarily assist in sustaining an individual or family. Government programs such as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families and food stamps or private assistance programs are available to help individuals and families through these ordeals. However, these cost community money. According to www.modestneeds.org, this can be as high as $8664.36 per person each year for public assistance.

The other side of this coin is the amount of revenue a community loses when an individual is not working. If a worker is making $10 an hour (what many would consider a “living” wage), they have a take home pay of $17,777.16 each year that is predominately reinvested into the community (rent, food, etc.). When both aspects are taken into consideration, unemployment has a total effect of $26,441.52 on the community per each unemployed individual!

We need to evaluate what our inacation actually costs. It's easy for us to look at this and place blame, "why aren't these people working? they should just get a job!". What are we doing to assist in this? It's time to stop looking out only for ourselves, but to truly be neighbors to those who most need it. It's messy, it's hard, it's frustrating, it's right. Build your community. What are some of the ways you are developing your local community?

love and wrath.

Today I was reading Psalms 2. As I was reading through it a couple things stood out to me. First, the significant foreshadowing of Jesus' ministry (see vs. 2, 7-8). Secondly, the emphasis the author puts on the wrath and vengeance of the Lord.

God is all powerful, creator of the universe, all knowing, etc., but I sometimes have trouble putting this idea that "his wrath can flare up in a moment" (Psalm 2:12) and "God so loved the world" (John 3:16). Maybe you are with me on this. But then I try to put myself into as similar a position as possible (i.e. God's view rather than my own), and I think I have come to somewhat of a better understanding of this dichotomy. Let me explain.

I work in Center City Allentown helping (or trying to) chronically unemployed and the homeless try to find work (and actually succeed in their positions). When I start working with somebody, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, I encourage them, give them opportunities for support, and as many chances to "move ahead" as possible. Some individuals respond well to this, they show increased self esteem, a new attitude towards finding a job, and eventually succeed. Others, however, choose not to follow the directives of the program, start pushing the limits to exploit the benefits, and even sell drugs outside the building during training hours. Despite my desire to help them and see them succeed, I have to admit, they make me extremely angry- even to the point of removing them from the program.

One would say that I have every right to remove them from the program. They choose not to follow the directions of the program, even though those rules lead to many benefits for them, and they go their own way, putting them back into the same destructive cycles they were a part of before they entered the program. God has set up the same thing for us: His Son IS the directive he has given us. The benefits of following Jesus are numerous; right relationship with God, Heaven, joy that surpasses understanding, etc. God has done a lot to make those things possible. Ultimately, if we choose to go our own way rather than follow God, he is going to be upset- as Psalms 2 points out.

God's wrath is a wrath of frustration, not hate. It is because He has loved so much that his wrath is so great. Not an easy thought to get past, but in the end, would we really do it differently?

the time has come.... and gone.

Looking back over this past month, things have been hectic to say the least. When you first start talking about launching a new church (or any major undertaking for that matter) there are countless twists, turns, surprises, and joys that you encounter. And all this work is done and prayed through and thought about until you get to a pinnacle, a crux of the issue. And then it's gone.

We have experienced this at Riverbend. We have done (most of) everything we needed to do to launch a new community of faith in the Lehigh Valley. We didn't want to stop at just one launch day, so we made a launch month to celebrate and kick off this adventure. And now that time has come and gone and we are at a very new point. We have transitioned our "Advance" Team to a "Leadership" Team, we have made the jump from preparing monthly gatherings to going weekly, and we have even doubled the number of community group studies. But what we find now, is that our reliance on God to maintain us and support us has grown exponentially. Much of what took us a year and a half of labor to prepare for now has to be done in a week. We have to now transition our roles to not only setting direction and systems, but to training leaders to minister to those that God brings through our lives. We have to make sure we are who God created Riverbend to be.

Our launch on September 13th was a huge pinnacle for us, and God richly blessed that occasion. But what I am realizing now is that God, even through the messiness of life, is daily giving me opportunities to rely on Him for these challenges and moments. I am growing increasingly certain that the harder I try in my own effort, the harder the problem seems. God has given us the blessing of being a part of HIS work, He has not given me the assignment of doing it for Him. As I write this I am struck with the feeling that I may have been looking for MY time to come, and all the work I was doing to make that happen. Jesus, may my time be gone, and your time come.

Check out what God is doing at www.riverbendonline.org

Numb3rs.

Yea, there is a TV show by that name. I have to admit I've never seen it. My understanding is that it is a crime mystery show that uses math and numbers to solve whatever the crime is on that show. I'm not really sure how one makes a show about that, but actuaries around the country are probably really excited.

Numbers can say a lot and I think that, when used correctly, they can help to at least identify problems that need to be worked on. This is true, even in the church. I ran across this interesting article from the Gallup organization (http://www.gallup.com/poll/117382/Church-Going-Among-Catholics-Slides-Tie-Protestants.aspx). In the article, it discusses how individuals who consider themselves "Christian" regularly attend church. The fascinating statistic is not that Catholics are now on par with Protestant Christians in their weekly church attendance, but rather, how on average, only 45% of all Christians say they attended church within the last week.

Now, statistics can say a lot of different things, and these numbers may be variable based on the time of year, area of the country (http://www.gallup.com/poll/122075/Religious-Identity-States-Differ-Widely.aspx), and age (only 38% of Protestant and 30% of Catholics in their 20's have attended church in the past week) of the sample, but I don't believe any of these variables hit the root of the issue. Church is losing its draw and attendance because we, as the Church, have lost sight of what Church is. For many of us, church is something we go to on Sunday's to hear a message, sing some songs, give our money, and maybe get some coffee. For others, church is the place that makes us get up early on the weekend, or miss the big game. It's something that we do on one or maybe two days of the week. We can check it off our list, put it on our schedule, and if we can't make it for a while, that's OK because our faith is personal. This idea is also unbiblical.

When we look at idea of the Church in the New Testament, it is vibrant and alive. It is a community of individuals where life is shared and individuals are urged on in the faith. Jesus did not say, "go into all the world and put on good shows and give good speeches about me." He said that we are to "go and make disciples", to help bring people into relationship with Him. This idea of community runs rampant throughout the Bible. Paul even says, "don't give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing." Church then turns into something we are, as a collective group. Really, without a community of other believers, our faith is lacking at best, and non-existent at worst.

Now the Church has not always been all that it should be, and some people have very good reasons as to why they don't go to Church. Abuse, scandals, bad doctrine, hypocrisy; there is no such thing as the perfect church. But truly living in a community of faith means that we don't go into it thinking about "what can this church do for me?" but rather, we enter into a partnership to help others seek and honor God according to the scriptures and to be helped in that process. We come together to fight against our spiritual enemies, for our world, our marriages, our faith, our communities. Our culture has lost a vital ally when the Church becomes something we do rather than something we are.

This is the great part of being involved in a new church start up. We don't have to work through the years of tradition and bad habits that have brought many churches to the point of irrelevance. Instead, we can focus our efforts on being a community where Jesus is exalted above all else and we can partner with one another to live out God's passions in the Lehigh Valley and around the world. You can check out how we are (trying) to do this at www.riverbendonline.org

in death reflects life.

The circumstances surrounding the shooting in Pittsburgh at an LA Fitness are incredibly sad. The scary part is that I don't think the scenario leading up to the shooting is all that uncommon. I took some time to read the shooters online diary. I don't know what made me do that, perhaps it is my psych/counseling background but it can be found here: http://georgesodini.com/20090804.htm

A couple things stood out to me in his writings. Psychologists would say he had major depression (which is probably true) and that he had an obsession with women (also true). However, the aspects that are more common than we like to admit in this scenario are a wounding (by family and church) and a lack of authentic community/friendships. These build off each other in most cases. I know too many people who have been hurt/wounded by family members (especially fathers) and by churches they have been a part of. The saddest part is, they still need and seek community, but refuse to find it because of how they have been hurt.

We, as a church, need to be a part of the restoration process God is doing on this Earth. "We need to be conduits of God's Grace" I once heard someone say. Our culture wants nothing more than to be connected, to be a part of something; but they have the wrong idea of God and the Church (many for good reasons) so they do not seek either. We need to enter into their world, enter into the messiness that is the unredeemed life, and expose the Truth of the Gospel for what it is. We all need it. Forgiveness. Grace. Passion. Life. Seeking God.

The Gospel is hard to accept. It's a life change that causes us to recognize our inefficiencies, and rely on One we cannot see. But people are looking for that truth to be told to them. They are not looking for us to dance around the subject and make it sound as nice as we can make it. We need to present the Gospel as it is, allow people to decide, and love them no matter what. I am not sure if this is what that shooter was looking for, but I hear that in his diary. I see that in those around me.

timing.

I don't think I have followed my advice from my last posting. I am still as stressed, over-tired, and somewhat directionless as I was before. But today I have had the opportunity to read and listen to a couple pieces of sage advice that (hopefully) will help me move past this lifestyle of being overwhelmed.

Last night, Lindsey challenged me with the thought that perhaps I am looking at life, and all that it entails, from the wrong perspective. She may be right, but turning around when travelling too fast rarely ends the way we intend. This posting from John Eldredge is the first piece of advice of the day: http://www.ransomedheartblog.com/john/2009/06/a-quart-in-my-tank.html

Like Eldredge writes, "It is so easy, dangerously easy to get caught up in the pace of this crazy world that rest feels uncomfortable; doing nothing feels awkward; as soon as we feel even a little bit refreshed, we’re back out on the highway, blasting ahead." This may be why I make myself so busy, but more so, I think that when we aren't sure where exactly we are going, we just go faster. I guess I'm not the type of guy who asks for directions when I get lost, I just go to where I think is right faster.

A good friend sent me this sermon to listen to today, and I think it hits exactly where I may be, what to do while waiting for what God has for you next:
http://media.northpointministries.org/northpointministries/podcasts/npcc/Sunday_Sermons/The_Waiting_Room/WaitingRoom_Part2.mp3

The three points of Gratitude, Persistence in Prayer, and Surrendering our plans for His, go against my immediate gratification, get it taken care of now so I don't have to worry about it personality. But its true. No matter what I do to try to make things happen quickly or in my type of timing, it won't work. For its not our timing, but God's, and the longer it takes me to recognize that, the longer I will spin my tires in vain.

As we tell Jonathan (repeatedly) when he's waiting for his dinner... be patient... it's coming.

deeper.

So it has been over two months since writing here. I don't feel like I have had much to say over those last two months, or maybe, I have actually had to say too much. I have been thinking alot lately about my use of time. When I am at work I have actually put myself on a "time study" to see how well my time management is (apparently I spend too much time on the computer) and at home it's either chasing around a 1 year old, planning house projects (that inevitably get delayed due to a more immediate house disaster), or working on various projects for Riverbend. Add to that list trying to nurture a relationship with my wife, keeping in touch with friends, and trying to stay healthy (and less stressed) and I don't know where to schedule all of this.

This isn't the first time I have struggled, or written, about not enough time. I spend half my time figuring out how to effectively spend my time. But where does the line between responsibility, relationships, work, and even church turn into overworked, over stressed, and missing the "easy yoke" that Jesus has promised us? There are people that say that we need to sacrifice in order to do great things. This, I believe, is true. But what are the things that are worth sacrificing? And what are the things that are actually great? I suppose that it is based on what we prioritize most.

But what happens when we super-size what our priorities are? If we say that a priority in our life is to share Jesus with others, does it actually matter if this is 2 people or 20? Perhaps we need to stop looking at what we want from a "bigger is better" perspective and move to a "deeper is better" perspective. It may be better to have a small group of friends who knows you enough to be invested in your life, than to know tons of people who think you are a nice guy. Perhaps it is better to spend your time building relationships with a couple people who may want to know more about Jesus than to find new ways to tell more people about Him.

Maybe, it might be time for me to focus on the people I can make a difference with, rather than try to make a difference with everybody.

soundtrack of your life.

I think everybody has some song or music that brings them back to a moment in their history. A wedding dance, a special song, sports warm up music, or just a favorite song from college. It's amazing how listening to that song will transport you back to that moment in time. It's a soundtrack to our history.

I was at a conference this past weekend at LCBC (lcbcchurch.com) and they mentioned that one of the benefits of the worship music is "it is the emotional tie to the message." They recognized that we are probably more likely to remember a song than a message and that hopefully that song points to the message.

If we had to pick a soundtrack of our life, what would that be pointing to? What is it that we remember most? Perhaps we need to listen to more music, or perhaps we need to make our lives into the emotional tie to the message we proclaim. We need to be the soundtrack to life.

sleep deprivation.

As the father of a 9 month old, solid sleep is not really in my vocabulary anymore. I hear this is something that all new parents go through. I don't really like it. I am a person who really likes my sleep and its not that Jonathan is really a bad sleeper- his sleep just doesn't match with when I can sleep (after doing all the things you can't get done when he is awake). Sometimes I think of the bad nights when he gets up crying multiple times because he has a new tooth coming in, when he isn't feeling well, or even when he just decides to be up from 5 AM on and I wonder, if this was taking place in Guantanamo Bay, would I be able to file for torture charges?

The Bible says that children are to be viewed as blessing (and something to do with a quiver of arrows (Psalm 127:4-5 )) and its completely true. As I walk around with bags under my eyes, my third cup of coffee for the day (and its only 11 AM), and I am not sure how I will be able to make it through my afternoon meeting without drooling on my desk, I don't remember the screaming, the poop up to his armpits, or even the food he flung at me during dinner. I do, however, remember the smile he gives me when I come home, the head butt (his idea of a hug), and the way he peacefully (sometimes) falls asleep on my shoulder.

Some may say that forgetfulness is a sign that I may need more sleep. That may be true, but I think in this case, God is giving us all a glimpse as to how he views us. God is out to get us, but not in the negative way many often think. He is out to get us to hold us close, heal our hurts, and to see us fulfilled in Him. These are the ramblings of the sleep deprived.

a pint for the Irish.

In honor of St. Patricks Day, I am wearing all the green I own (a track jacket and shirt- dont' worry I don't have green pants). This holiday is one of those strange days where everybody thinks that they are Irish (even if they are not) and every once in a while you will here about why St. Patrick was so special. It also makes me want a pint of Guinness.

St. Patrick wasn't the only Irish Saint, there was also this guy, Arthur Guinness. In the mid 1700's, Arthur would walk the streets of Dublin, lamenting at the drunkeness of the Irish people (apparently this stereotype didn't end there). They would be stumbling out of their whisky and gin bars and do all the things that drunk people do. In Arthur's prayers, he felt led to do something that (little did he know) would forever change Ireland and it's people. He felt that he was to make a healthy drink, that people would like, but not get drunk on. His creation was Guinness Beer. The beauty of what Arthur Guinness did was not to create a well crafted beverage, but rather he sought a way to influence a culture (and the world) for more right living, and hopefully, to be able to point them to Christ. His life reflected his faith.

Apparently he passed this faith lifestyle on to his children who were involved in sending Hudson Taylor to China, building a missionary college, and helping to fund a Chrisitan Childrens home. The story can be found at http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/4752.htm.

So today, as we celebrate the Irish (and what God has done in Ireland), let us raise a pint in thanks to God, and seek ways that we can influence the culture of the Lehigh Valley.

losing faith.

The AP put out an article today entitled "More Say They Have No Religion" (http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-a1_survey.6810467mar09,0,6583512.story). It was an interesting, but not surprising article empirically evidencing that the United States is in a "Christian Decline." What was even more interesting though, is the message board postings at the end of the article. The large majority of these individuals making posts are adamant about their convictions that God does not exist, is made up, and that religion is actually the cause of most violence and hate in the world. Wow.

This "evangelical atheism" is really intense. I can't actually say that I have a great answer to all their accusations about the moral imperatives of Heaven and Hell, the "human" influence in the writing of scripture, or the many other tough questions that should be wrestled with, but it does show how tough it is, and will be for believers as we seek to make God known. Ultimately, they are seeking "proof" rather than "relationship." This growing segment of the population is doing all they can to make sure the gospel is not presented to our friends, family, and children. Now is the time to be prepared in and out of season to give a testimony for the hope that you have (II Timothy 4:1-5).

A lot of people get angry at this type of conversation. I wouldn't say that was the reaction that I initially and currently feel. I feel sad. While reading these comments I hurt for these individuals who are so angry at God, so disenfranchised with faith, and living life with such temporal purpose. I worry for them, those that they teach, and their children who won't have the chance to know God, all in the name of "being enlightened." May we stand strong in the faith, speak and act in love, and point all of those around us towards relationship with God.

i still haven't found what i'm looking for.

In honor of the new U2 album that came out this week, I plagiarized their famous song for my title. But truthfully, it's an interesting concept. Being involved in a new church start up (http://www.riverbendonline.org/), I have had the great opportunity to be a part of God's desire to see his people come together and live out his passions. It is a humbling experience. But one of the things that we always seek to guard against is transplanting Christians vs. building a new community of believers.

Our generation is one where everything is customizable. I think about all the things I have customized to me. Myspace, Facebook, Playlists, my Google Homepage, and a whole bunch of other things. This isn't necessarily bad, being that we are all individuals and we each have strengths, passions, desires and preferences. The problem comes with our societies/generation's drive for focusing on ourselves. When that is our focus, we can have a tough time coming to any decision on choices we have in life.

I was reading a really good article on this concept as it relates to the church (http://www.relevantmagazine.com/columns/church-today/16112-church-shopping) and our ideas about our "perfect" church. There isn't one that is going to match each person exactly. But the point that this article makes is that our choices of churches should not necessarily be "what can this church do for me," but rather, "what ways can I connect into this community." There are times when it is right to leave a church community (lack of scriptural teaching, immorality, etc.) but more so, churches were designed for groups of people to serve and worship God together as a community. This is the basics of this concept, but we can't go deeper until we understand that basic premise.

As we continue to move forward with Riverbend, we pray that God will bring those he desires to be a part of this community. We may do things that are different than other churches, but this is not because we want to attract a niche market of Christians, its because sometimes the lost don't or won't understand the gospel in any other way. May we never be a church that is just "another option," may we be a church that God uses to reach those who still haven't found what they are (truly) looking for.

its the end of the world.

Do you remember the old REM song lyrics "It's the End of the World as we know it... and I feel fine?" I think this song can sum up a lot of what is happening right now. Every day I hear people saying "its the end of the world" or something about "Armageddon" because of the economy or President Obama or President Bush (we apparently made it through without the world being destroyed) or global warming or a million other things. I am not saying that these things shouldn't be areas to have opinions on or trying to fight against the damage that can be done by them, but really, for most of us, we still feel fine. We may have lost a job, had to cut back on our spending, or even won/lost a political battle, but how affective is the doom and gloom alarmist mentality?

CS Lewis was asked in an interview 6 months before he died, "What do you think is going to happen in the next few years of history, Mr. Lewis?" His response was phenomenal. Lewis responds, "I have no way of knowing. The world might stop in 10 minutes; we are to go on doing our duty. The great thing is to be found at one's post as a child of God, living each day as if it were our last, but planning as if our world might last 100 years."

We need to focus now on the things that will make a difference for the future; social and environmental justice, personal savings, sharing the Gospel of Jesus, all while recognizing that the world can change, or even end at any time. Let's not focus all of our attention on this is the end of the world, but more so on what can we do before it does.

Maranatha. (O Lord, Come!)

complexity part II.

A few weeks back when the economic stimulus package was being discussed, I had mentioned how complex economies, government, and social structures are. Yesterday, or the day before, I don't remember when exactly, I had another realization. Some might classify it as a panic attack, but I don't think so. If anything, it was one of those moments of anxiety when every part of your life seems to be crashing down and requiring something of you. Here in the Northeast, and probably around the rest of the US, we call that everyday life. I don't know exactly what I had to do or why I was so stressed about it. Perhaps it was seeing my mile long list of everything that I need to do with the house, work, Riverbend Community Church, Jonathan, Lindsey, seeing the needs of the yard, the neighborhood, the Lehigh Valley, the World and not knowing where to start, what to do next, or how to go about it.

At that moment, I just didn't want to do anything at all.

I think that is why we are told in the Bible to "Be still. And know that I am God." That is a very reassuring truth, with a very difficult practice. It's hard to be still, to not do anything, to stop thinking even for one minute. But we should. We are not told to be still because we shouldn't be productive, but rather because this is the way we stay sane, we keep our stress down, and even stay healthy. Our personal lives are more complex than they need to be, our work lives, our religion, even the gospel we make more complex than it actually is. Why? That I don't know. What I do know is that we need to find ways, as we live life together, to live simply, love genuinely, and act justly. We won't be able to start doing these things though, until we can "be still and know God." I should put that on my list of things to do.

the best laid plans.

Jonathan has been doing well sleeping for a few nights. So yesterday, my wife and I took the day off to do some "life planning." It is amazing at how complex life can get when you throw a little one into the mix. So during our 5 hours of working out all the little things that need to get done each week (working out, eating, sleeping, work, reading the Bible) and discovering a new love for google calendars, we have a plan.

So last night, I was getting ready for bed and for an early wake up this morning for the gym when I heard Jonathan, who had been sleeping for about 3.5 hours, gagging and coughing. I run down to his room with dental floss hanging out of my mouth, to discover him throwing up all over himself and his crib. This was about 11 PM. This is Jonathan's first major stomach bug, so being a new parent I have a lot of emotions that probably are typical of this type of situation such as pity, saddness, and the ability to all of the sudden not be grossed out by the massive mess that is covering my son. Regardless, I was able to settle him down, give him another bath, change the sheets in his crib, all in about 15 minutes with Lindsey's help. Five minutes after that, he did it again.

Jonathan and I were in his rocking chair until 3 AM. He was getting sick every 10-15 minutes until 2 AM. Our newly laid plans are not off to a good start.

complexity.

As I listen to the economic stimulus ideas being put forward by both sides of the aisle, I am amazed.  Sometimes the amazement comes from the obscene amount of money that the government wants to spend, other times I am astonished by the lack of sympathy that people can exhibit.  But either idea, one thing is for certain, their is great complexity to what is being proposed.  The second you make one change, it starts the process of changing ten others, and if you do not look down the line, your actions can have totally unintended consequences.  Life is always complicated and complex and I am thankful that I can be part of a community that recognizes the complexity of life.  More so, I am thankful that Christianity (at least Biblical Christianity) addresses the complexity of life.   

I wish life wasn't as complex as it is, but at least I don't have to decide how to spend 800 billion dollars.

what to do with passion.

I am really a big fan of John Eldredge and his writing. If you haven't read any of his works, you really should. He promotes our relationship with Christ, the battles of spiritual warfare, and how our passions and desires fit in to this faith we call Christianity. I got an update from his blog today and it truly resonated with what I believe some of my motives have been in launching Riverbend Community Church. Take a look at it here:

http://www.ransomedheartblog.com/john/2009/02/finding-church.html

I believe that what the church is lacking, at least in America, is a passion for life itself and all it has to offer. As Eldredge states, we are called to live life to the fullest, and you can't do that by supressing your passions. One of the precepts of Riverbend, is this thing called the New Covenant. Jesus talks about this in the gospels, but in essence, it is God giving us passions and desires that match His. But sometimes it feels as if the North American church is paralyzed by this idea of "passion" and "desire" of anything that isn't a praise song or Bible reading. I am glad that Riverbend is not one of these types of Churches. God has given us his Word, his edicts, his direction to help guide us, yes, but more so, to point us in a direction of knowing Him in relationship. That is the purpose of a church- to experience life (with all the passions God has given us) with others who are pursuing a relationship with the Maker of All. What's your purpose for Church?

bath time.

I have the priviledge of giving my 7 and a half month old son his bath every night.  He really enjoys bath time and I think he could spend hours in the bath if I let him.  Recently, he has discovered he can drop things out of his little blue bath tub and then he looks over the side and tries to grab it.  Tonight, he finally picked up one of the toys he threw over the side and when he did, he looked back at me with such a sense of accomplishment, desiring my approval.   I was struck with the following thought:

What if that is what God wants us to do.  He has given us the ability to do so many things and accomplish so much in  this world, and he takes joy when we look back at Him for that acknowledgement- that without God's acknowledgement, our deeds are not fulfilling.

I of course praised my son for being such a "big boy" and gave him a big kiss on the forehead.  Then he splashed me in the face.  But that is part of the fun.

I am thankful that God does look on us as His son's and daughters, looking for ways to praise us when we look toward Him.

a better work week.

Today at work, I heard one of my co-workers talking about how the local school district gave its students the day off.  This isn't a completely unheard of occurrence, but there was no holiday or weather event, so I asked why they had off.  She told me that it was because the kids received their report cards the day before.  A few thoughts raced through my mind at that moment.  First, I don't think I ever got off the day after getting  a report card, unless that day was a Friday.  Second, I wondered if the kids needed a day to mourn their poor grades.  And finally, it gave me the idea that work life would be so much better if we were given the day off after receiving a pay check.  

part of something.

Amazing. After watching the inauguration at work today, I am humbled by the blessing of being part of the United States, where powers transfer peacefully-- even when ideologies are in stark contrast. Obama referenced how we are part of this larger collective in his speech. It was motivating and he has really good speech writers.

I got addicted to The West Wing this summer. After my baby boy was born, my mother-in-law had us rent a season of the show, and in about 5 months, we had watched the complete series. It would have been quicker if not for my wife's school schedule. But after watching it, and being reminded by the inauguration today, I was always struck by a desire to be a part of something as important as an administration. The way they had so many people working towards something that they believed in so deeply, was inspiring to me. I think that is why Obama was able to win this election, he was able to invite people to be a part of something.

The thing is, as I wish I was a part of something as important as being President of the United States, I have to remind myself that I already am. We are reminded throughout the Bible that God has invited us to be a part of something bigger than anything that ever has, or ever will, be. He has invited us to be a part of his Kingdom. His desire is to be the change that the world needs, and for us to play vital roles in that.

We may not have pins, and t-shirts, and hats, and posters that you put by stop signs, but we are a part of something that is more transcendent, transformational, and authentic than any political campaign could ever be. Do we look at what God is doing the same way we look at what politicians are doing? Probably not. Maybe we should start.

irrational fears.

Yesterday, I was at the gym sitting in the sauna (something nice about being in a 165 degree box when its 20 degrees outside) and I was struck by a thought I have quite often-- the dentist. Now I am aware that I have an irrational fear of the worst kind, being that I know it is irrational yet I still can't get over it. Many may say that this is not an irrational fear and I should be stressed over any occurance involving tiny drills going through parts of my body, but the truth is, if I just went every six months (which I don't) and flossed, brushed, etc (which I do) it probably wouldn't be a big deal.

But anyway, back to my experience yesterday, I start thinking, getting stressed, heart rate goes up, I'm already sweating so not sure if that was from this thought, and I just lay there. But then I started to think about, I wonder if Jesus would like the dentist? I never really thought of an answer to that because I was reminded of when Jesus got nervous and stressed. One instance in particular stood out to me, when Jesus was praying in the garden before he was taken to be killed.

The Bible talks about Jesus praying that "this cup be taken from me" and indicates that he was so nervous and stressed about what he knew was coming, he was sweating blood. Now I often times find myself praying, "may this cavity be taken from me" but, its safe to say, Jesus' situation was much more frightening and intimidating. But the amazing thing is, he had multiple opportunities to escape his pending situation-- but he didn't. I escape the dentist (by not calling) whenever I can. I am really glad Jesus is braver than I am.

a start or a season?

I suppose for my first blog to this new site, I ought to explain where I have been and why I am here. And really, there are two reasons:

The first is, this is not my first blogging experience. A couple years back I blogged for the better part of six months (crossfirecontemplations-- I have just noticed my love of alliteration) and I eventually ran out of time and energy, which is a completely different story. I did enjoy my time and my posts, and I hope others did as well. But sometimes other priorities take precedence. Thats the first reason.

The second. My wonderful wife (there I go alliterating again) tells me on a fairly frequent basis that I am a decent writer and should be published. She tells me this for mulitple reasons, she loves me, she likes to boost my ego, and she would really enjoy it if I wrote her more romantic letters. This blog probably isn't what she had in mind.

But here I am, a new start, a new year, a new blog. I'm looking forward to it.