When I was in middle school, there was one event that scared me more than any other event to that date. I was sitting in my middle school science class and the teacher was giving us a list of our grades for the semester and informing us how we could calculate our grade. I followed the directions and the number that came out indicated I was failing the class. A cold sweat broke out and tunnel vision started to set in- I felt as if I was going into shock as I walked up to the teachers desk to ask how this could be. It turns out, I missed a grade and was actually doing quite well, but the experience highlighted something about me. I was deathly afraid of failing.
Now I didn't grow up in a family that was militant about grades. My parents were very good at instilling a love for learning and a give it your best effort type of approach to learning. But one thing that I have put on myself over my life has been a bit of a perfectionist quality, or at least a "don't screw it up" mentality. I think this has kept me from doing a lot. I was thinking about it the other night as I pondered what God has for my life. I have been really blessed with all God has provided for me to this point, and I would say that I have taken a fair share of risks in those endeavors. But I started to question whether I would put everything on the line if there was a possibility of failure.
Growing up in the middle class and now as an adult seeing the importance of being wise with our money, saving for retirement, or other forms of good stewardship of our finances is important. Our culture (at times) promotes these type of biblical principals. But then, I look at the examples of Jesus and the apostles in the New Testament and I start to wonder. Jesus told his disciples to take nothing with them when he sent them out, take up their crosses (death-the risk of everything) and to not worry about tomorrow. If Jesus sends me some place am I willing to take that approach? But it goes more than just financial. Am I like Jonah in not wanting to take the risk of doing something because I think I might fail? Paul writes a quote from Jesus saying, "My grace is sufficient for you... my power is made perfect in weakness." In essence, we never really experience all God has to offer us until we do risk everything.
If I fail, while our culture may view this as a deficiency on my part, God operates on the opposite. If I fail, even when he calls me to it, He gains. The paradox of the Gospel does not go unnoticed. I cannot have true faith, unless I am willing to truly fail. Maybe we need to start living this way in our churches and in our lives.
