I'm not sure if there is a perfect job for me. Maybe there is something that I would love to do that would pay our bills, support my family, and that I would enjoy- but I probably would get sick of that too because I'd want to be spending more time with my family or doing something else. It's not that I don't like work. I like to work hard, but there are times when I don't like working. Maybe if I could find what I wanted to be when I grow up... now that I'm a grown up.
I remember going to college 11 years ago and knowing that I could do or be anything that I wanted. Gradually life started to get in the way (and school loans)and that caused me to "need" to make a certain amount and no longer allowed us (Lindsey and I) to do whatever we wanted as far as work was concerned. Our goal in life has never been to make a ton of money, just enough to support my family, do something that meets my skills and passions, and most importantly serves God in some way. Now I need to add "makes enough to pay all our school loans" to that list. It stinks.
Over the next whatever amount of time, our goal is pay down that school debt (as it's the only debt we have beyond our mortgage) so our expenses are as minimal as possible in order to serve and not be limited in what or where God calls us to. Being in social work or ministry for the last 7 years has not helped this process go very quickly, but God has provided for us and we know this will be His timing when we reach this milestone.
My desire to live in the freedom of being whatever we want or God calls us to is summed up in this dialogue with J:
Me: "J, what do you want to be or do when you get to be a big boy?"
J: (thinks for a moment) "I want to be a chicken."
If that isn't the freedom to dream, I don't know what is.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
farewell to youth.
I am not looking forward to my 30th birthday. It's months away, but I am pretty sure I have been avoiding thinking about it since I turned 27 and was officially in my "late 20's." Thirty isn't really all that big of a deal I suppose, but it's during these past couple years and as I move forward that those dreams of my youth are dashed from ever being a possibility.
We all have them I'm sure, the idea that I can be a professional athlete, or rockstar, fireman, Alaskan Fisherman (ala Deadliest Catch) or whatever other dream we may have had. They fade away into childhood fantasy or abrubtly hit us when we realize most of the NFL (except Brett Farve) is multiple years younger than we are now. And as a guy this can be hard because these realizations often are accompanied by graying, migrating hair; injuries that take longer to heal; and pick up sports games with multiple conversations that end with "my brain said I could do that but my body wouldn't follow."
I had another opportunity to see a portion of my youth this past weekend. The Juliana Theory, may favorite band perhaps ever, was playing a farewell/reunion tour celebrating the 10 year anniversary (see you tube clip below) of their album "Emotion is Dead." It was a great show and they rocked out for over 2 hours and 30 songs. But it was also different from the shows that I remember going to. Rather than seeing a bunch of teenagers and college students it was mainly 20's and 30's age people that were still holding onto the "rock and roll" style, but honestly, looking quite different from the Juliana Theory's hayday (and I'm not talking about the band members). It was an interesting commentary on my age and generation I think.
Life is very different than it was even 5 or 6 years ago. I'm married, have a son with another kid on the way, working a lot with no more summer breaks, and even my interests have changed somewhat. But while many of my youthful dreams have gone (pro snowboarder I am not), life is better in a lot of ways. I am able to share new dreams, or different versions of old dreams with a family. Things I loved to do when I was little are now ok for me to do again with my son without looking foolish. I am able to pursue new dreams in a more thoughtful and meaningful manner. The dreams I have now are more likely to be fulfilled than the ones I held when I was young. But it's still hard.
I was reminded again last night, that getting older, having less energy, more responsibility, and less money are not and should not be the death of our dreams and passions. We should pursue these things and enjoy the fact that we get to pursue them with others, not just ourselves. In any case, one truth remains from my youth; you still need a good song to rock out to while going after our dreams- here's a good one to start with:
We all have them I'm sure, the idea that I can be a professional athlete, or rockstar, fireman, Alaskan Fisherman (ala Deadliest Catch) or whatever other dream we may have had. They fade away into childhood fantasy or abrubtly hit us when we realize most of the NFL (except Brett Farve) is multiple years younger than we are now. And as a guy this can be hard because these realizations often are accompanied by graying, migrating hair; injuries that take longer to heal; and pick up sports games with multiple conversations that end with "my brain said I could do that but my body wouldn't follow."
I had another opportunity to see a portion of my youth this past weekend. The Juliana Theory, may favorite band perhaps ever, was playing a farewell/reunion tour celebrating the 10 year anniversary (see you tube clip below) of their album "Emotion is Dead." It was a great show and they rocked out for over 2 hours and 30 songs. But it was also different from the shows that I remember going to. Rather than seeing a bunch of teenagers and college students it was mainly 20's and 30's age people that were still holding onto the "rock and roll" style, but honestly, looking quite different from the Juliana Theory's hayday (and I'm not talking about the band members). It was an interesting commentary on my age and generation I think.
Life is very different than it was even 5 or 6 years ago. I'm married, have a son with another kid on the way, working a lot with no more summer breaks, and even my interests have changed somewhat. But while many of my youthful dreams have gone (pro snowboarder I am not), life is better in a lot of ways. I am able to share new dreams, or different versions of old dreams with a family. Things I loved to do when I was little are now ok for me to do again with my son without looking foolish. I am able to pursue new dreams in a more thoughtful and meaningful manner. The dreams I have now are more likely to be fulfilled than the ones I held when I was young. But it's still hard.
I was reminded again last night, that getting older, having less energy, more responsibility, and less money are not and should not be the death of our dreams and passions. We should pursue these things and enjoy the fact that we get to pursue them with others, not just ourselves. In any case, one truth remains from my youth; you still need a good song to rock out to while going after our dreams- here's a good one to start with:
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